Day before, I went to this particular Costa Coffee outlet & I realized how I have gone there with so many different people at such different stages & moods in life. That coffee shop has seen me with my boss for a chat over coffee, with his daughter who had me as her boss sharing coffee walnut pastry after splitting the walnut piece from the middle, with my bhai & his girlfriend when he & I used to fight but talk indirectly through her, with my best friends discussing our crushes & heart-breaks & at times alone just feeling sad or happy not knowing why half the times.
But as I was sitting there, I recalled this particular incident when I had very high fever (to be precise typhoid, not knowing about it till then though) & I was having a cup of coffee alone at around 8-9 in the night. And I was feeling so weak & lost. I had no energy to even hold the coffee cup. Out side it was raining with a small lil child begging me for money standing just outside the glass door. And my best friend called to blast me on knowing what I was upto with such high fever. But she was also confused as to what had happened, what was I feeling. All I could jokingly tell her that I was feeling like a protagonist from a classic movie or novel!!! I went there after that incident for atleast 50 times. And now after so many months now, I was sitting there waiting for a friend, I just recalled that one particular incident the most, but this time I knew precisely how I was feeling back then -
pondering but confused
talkative but bottled up
doubtful but trusting
broke but generous
fickle but faithful
lost but holding on
sad but smiling
heart-broken but an optimist
trapped but free-spirited
unsure but hopeful
And this made me realize how much I have changed in the last one & a half year or so. Slowly, I started living life in a way which I never did. Taking each day at a time. Not that it was or is easy for a person like me. There are days when I feel like a blind person who knows how to take these steps down but still doesn’t have an option of looking forward to see which step is where. Faith is your answer in such situations. Faith in your self. You might not be able to see where each step of yours is taking you but somewhere deep inside you know that you won’t fall & even if you do you will still have the energy & poise to get up & take the last step. But then, I was not even born as per plan. Chandigarh instead of Delhi, June instead of August, Cancerian instead of a Leo. What happened was destined & not what was predicted or planned. So when your birth was so spontaneous then when why should your life not be. Life is certainly not a flowchart! Faith is what keeps you happy even when you don’t have all the answers.
But as I was sitting there, I recalled this particular incident when I had very high fever (to be precise typhoid, not knowing about it till then though) & I was having a cup of coffee alone at around 8-9 in the night. And I was feeling so weak & lost. I had no energy to even hold the coffee cup. Out side it was raining with a small lil child begging me for money standing just outside the glass door. And my best friend called to blast me on knowing what I was upto with such high fever. But she was also confused as to what had happened, what was I feeling. All I could jokingly tell her that I was feeling like a protagonist from a classic movie or novel!!! I went there after that incident for atleast 50 times. And now after so many months now, I was sitting there waiting for a friend, I just recalled that one particular incident the most, but this time I knew precisely how I was feeling back then -
pondering but confused
talkative but bottled up
doubtful but trusting
broke but generous
fickle but faithful
lost but holding on
sad but smiling
heart-broken but an optimist
trapped but free-spirited
unsure but hopeful
And this made me realize how much I have changed in the last one & a half year or so. Slowly, I started living life in a way which I never did. Taking each day at a time. Not that it was or is easy for a person like me. There are days when I feel like a blind person who knows how to take these steps down but still doesn’t have an option of looking forward to see which step is where. Faith is your answer in such situations. Faith in your self. You might not be able to see where each step of yours is taking you but somewhere deep inside you know that you won’t fall & even if you do you will still have the energy & poise to get up & take the last step. But then, I was not even born as per plan. Chandigarh instead of Delhi, June instead of August, Cancerian instead of a Leo. What happened was destined & not what was predicted or planned. So when your birth was so spontaneous then when why should your life not be. Life is certainly not a flowchart! Faith is what keeps you happy even when you don’t have all the answers.
