Moving on

This term is so loosely used that today when ever you mention these words to someone people tend to think that its about a romantic relationship. Lot of times I ask my freinds to move on. And all the times its not about some romance (or love or liking ,anything you may want to call that feeling) going out of the window. For me moving on is accepting that something you really wanted to work, didn't work. And it may be anything. It may be your first love. It may be what you are right now thinking is your last love. It may be your life's savings. It may be you precious job. It may be your biggest exam. It can be anything you had put your heart & soul into & you saw it crashing right in front of your eyes. Worse, it crashed when your eyes were closed because you either blindly trusted people or you just didn't pay attention to something really important as your eyes were on something else.

When we make a wish, that may be big that may be small, you really want it to happen. And when it doesn't happen it hurts. But for how long it hurts depends on you & only you. If you want to sit down & keep crying about it or probably cling to that silver lining which is not really silver but grey then you are just adding more mess to your life than there already is. It hurts to accept that what was so dear to your is no longer a reason for your smile. Its okay, but why are people hell-bent in making it now a reason to cry.

Reading this, lots of my friends will raise their eye brows & probably say "look who's talking"!! Agreed, that whatever i feel in my life, be it my desire to have ice-cream or my trip to a place or my job or the guy i would want to be or be it the the cute looking guy in the movie shopaholic , i always feel really strongly. Even if its a small thing. So if I really feel like having chocolate doughnut i will leave everything & go and have it. For whatever reason, if i am not able to have it. I feel sad, angry, furious, restless and even haunted! Everyone who knows well enough , know s this is the case with everything i wish for. Small or big, doesn't matter. And when a wish doesn't come true, it just hurts.

It hurts to see that the exam you studied for didn't go well.
It hurts to know that someone you called your best friend betrayed your trust & of the people around you.
It hurts to lose the chance to be a part of your dream institute.
It hurts to see the person you so wanted to be with is with someone else.
It hurts to know that what you thought to be true was false.
It hurts to wait for the girl you have loved your entire life to be married to someone else.
It hurts to see that the person you mentored stabbed you in the back.
It hurts to realise that job you so wanted went to someone else.
It hurts to know that your own friends were waiting for your down-fall.
It hurts to wait for the day you know will never come.

For me, it even hurts to know that I can't have the flavour of the ice-cream i so FELT like having at that moment.
It hurts to know that my bank balance doesn't allow me to buy that awesome jacket i saw at the store.
It hurts to know that i can't go to meet my friends staying out of Delhi as & when i want.
It hurts to know that the battery of my phone drains like sand slips from your hand.
It hurts to have a bad throat when i really want to bitch with my best friend for hours & hours.
It hurts to realise that i cant go to Goa every month.
It hurts to know that the money in my account finishes as soon as it comes.

Basically, when you want something to happen, and it doesn't happen or it happens but it goes wrong, it hurts. And when it hurts you, only you know how bad it is. Lot of times people tell me "you don't know" or "you don't understand". Of course I don't. Why will I? How will I? Is it my wish which didn't come true? No. Then obviously it doesn't hurt me.

But everything in life doesn't last. The trick is to decide whether you want to treat it like recession or you want to make it a depression. If you think its just a phase, it will pass. But if think its the end, then you will make it the end. And when a desire becomes an obsession, no one comes to know. The line is so blurred that even the most experienced people don't realise when they cross this line.

Its all about accepting. Accepting that you went wrong. People went wrong. Situations went wrong. And things didn't work out. But life moves on. And for the better. I am not saying that when you want something don't work towards it. Bend backwards to make it happen. But if even after that it doesn't happen. Just accept & move on. Nothing & no one in life is worth bringing your life to a halt.

Yesterday i was blasting a friend of mine. For not accepting that a girl he so madly loves has gone or is going. It hurts. Agreed. But only the person who is into it can put that full-stop. No one can do it for you. People can help you do it, if you give them the chance. But only you can break the damn vicious circle. And when people quote me the time they have spent with the other person they no longer are with. I just wonder how does that matter. Agreed, more memories, more pain, more time you take. But you need to start at least. And its a circle remember? You never know when it started, you never know when it will it end. For some the radius of the circle is bigger (read the no. of days, weeks, months or years they were with that other person). But that's the beauty of a circle, you will never know how many rounds have you taken. One person's one round (say with a bigger radius) can be equal to another person's 10 rounds (with smaller radius). So keep going on and on for as long as you want to. But in the end it was just hurts a lot. The sooner you break it, the better it will be. Its like the case of "five more minute" sleep. You know the situation i s going to be exactly the same 5 minutes later. If you think you have to do it, then do it now. The willingness & the confidence that yes you can break this circle has to come from within you.

The most amazing thing about life is, that it moves on. No matter how hard you may try to stop it. If we look back today, we will find that our life has changed so much over the period of time. Exactly six months ago, what mattered to me the most doesn't matter to me today at all. Same is the case with six months before that. Life is a yo-yo. It goes up. It goes down. but for heaven's sake at least let it go up & down. Don't bring it to a halt. At times its important to rip-off the band-aid. Only then can the wound heal.

smile!

Today seems to be such a nice, bright & happy day!!! And i just can't stop giggling. I don't know why!!! Probably because i am very happy!!!! Whatever it may be, but i m loving it.
So no oh-so senti post today!!!
Just a thought.. how easily we become happy even if is for no ryhme or reason!!!
But who cares, as far as the smile is there!! :)

Time

Time is one one thing which always seems to be less, no matter how much of it we have or take. One week ago, when i reached back Delhi from Bombay, i thought that i have taken enough time. Today morning i realised that i probably need more. Its like when we get up from sleep and even if we have slept for 12 hours we somehow still want five more minutes. Inside we know that the story will still be the same after five or even ten minutes.

I am writing this while listening to a really emotional, romantic, beautiful, in short my FAVOURITE song so i have lost more sense out of the little i have been blessed with. Hence such a strange post. Which will probably have no head or tail. But there is a thought behind. And probably only i understand this thought the best, since its my thoughts i am talking about. But since Geetanjali told when i started my blog that probably il feel "better" through this blog, i thought of writing these random thoughts here. I MOSTLY listen to what Geetanjali says. The only time when i didn't listen to her and told her "Geetanjali I am not asking you, I am telling you" was the time when everything turned upside down. But as she says, everything that happens, happens for a reason & for the best. But Geetanjali was right, which she mostly is, this blog has helped me feel "better".

At times, the whole thought that your thoughts are being read by someone, even if that someone is not that one you want it to be read by, seems to help. It saves you from feeling bottled up. That's exactly how i felt today morning when i got up from sleep. And i wanted to sleep again.

Strange it may seem to be for a person who talks the the whole day. Who is considered to be an open book. Who is indeed an open book by all regards. How can a chatterbox like me feel bottled up? Only if everything in life was exactly how it seems (i want to use the word 'seemed') to be.

Only if there were less questions and more answers.

let it be..

We hear this term & use it so many times that more often than not we don't realise if we are using it for a person, a feeling, a thing or a situation. We all feel that by just letting some one or something be, things will be fine if they already aren't.

It was only day before i actually realised what it really does mean to let something be. On my way back from office something fell in my eye. There was a lot of dust on the road. And just as i reached home I rushed to the bathroom to wash my eye as it was hurting very badly. Wasn't even able to open the eye properly. Mom kept saying that wash it with lot of water. I washed it with buckets & buckets of water. It just became this better that i could open the eye. And then blink at the speed i talk! Kept rubbing it, mom kept asking me not do so. Not only it was hurting me, but it was irritating me badly since i didn't know what was hurting me, where was it and how could i take it out & free myself from that pain. And once again see everything clearly. I even tried to make myself cry thinking that with tears whatever that is there will go away. But that's the best thing about tears. They will never come when you so want them to come. They will always be unstoppable when they should not even peek outside the eye. Anyways, I kept rubbing the eye. Then my mom told me finally not to rub it otherwise i might cause myself internal injury. And healing that wound inside the eye may be difficult. Like a lil child i got so scared! She said since i have already washed it, if i just let it be, it will be fine in sometime. I did just that. Was still irritated. And I was justified in being so. Not only was it hurting me but it was constantly pricking me in the eye. With time it became better. I was even able to read. I got distracted & stopped thinking that something is hurting me.

When got up in the morning, i could just remember that something fell in my eye the previous day. It was no longer hurting. No longer pricking me.

Thinking about all this, i just smiled. I have always believed that god tries to talk to us through various ways. And he probably spoke to me. Told me something very important. When you are not able to understand what is pricking you constantly. You really have no clue as to when & how will it stop hurting. Just let it be. In the end everything is always alright. If its not alright, then its still not the end.