Indifference

Indifference, according to me is the worst we can be towards someone. I am perceived to be a very warm person by almost everyone around me. This perception is perfectly justified. But my really close friends know that I can be extremely indifferent towards people who hurt me so badly that they leave no scope to undo what they did. Not cold but indifferent. There is a hell lot of difference.

Time & again it has happened that i have realised that people who were once the most important people in my life, people I truly loved & valued in whatever role they played in my life, when hurt me knowingly or leave me after hurting me, i just become indifferent towards them. Good or bad, right or wrong i don't know but that's how it is with me. When I am done with it, I really am done with it.

But can we ever turn a blind eye on someone who meant a hell lot once. More so if that person is sad or hurt or broken or shattered. I don't think so. Love as a feeling is so deep & true that it actually never dies.

Having said that, once the trust is broken it can never be re-established. And to have a nurturing relationship with another human soul both love & trust are equally important. Once the trust has gone, its gone forever, even if the love is still there.

I know, a few friends will question this point, like always, "how can you love someone you no longer trust". I will probaly never be explain why I feel like this. Yes i still do. But somewhere you can. The human beings we are, souls who are somewhere always scared to get hurt, will never want to be with people we no longer trust, even if we still love them. We tend to feel that someone who has broken our trust once, knows it really well how to do it, so they will take no time to do it again. But as I said true love never dies. True being the keyword here. And when we love people, more so as friends, I think that love is really indeed very true & pure. Other forms of the so-called love i would rather not comment on.

Today i realised that a friend who once used to be my best friend is sad. I don't know the reason, but i read her facebook status & i realised that she is disturbed. Its been almost three years since we drifted apart but don't know why but today when i come to know that she is disturbed, i don't take a second and ping her on gtalk.
There are so many people on my facebook list, i don't bother for all do I? Then why for a person who is no longer so close as she used to be. Why didn't I think for a second that what if she is doesn't respond. Why I am bothered about her happiness & peace of mind. I don't know the reason but that's how it is.

At the same time I am okay with the fact that she asked me for sometime as she is very disturbed. There was a time when we were very close. Best of friends. Long time ago, in different ways we both had let each other down, & everything changed.

But today I honestly didn't feel bad at all thinking that she didn't share her feelings with me or that times have changed so much. Probably because life has taught me that times change. At times, change happens in a blink. And at times there is pregnant pause & everything changes. No matter how quickly or slowly the change comes in the the attitude of people towards you or your attitude towards them, the key is to accept & respect that times have changed. People have changed. Equations have changed. And somewhere you have changed too. More often than not, this change is for better. So welcome it with open arms rather that fighting with your own self. That self which asks you to accept this change.

But the questions still remains, can we ever really be truly indifferent towards people we once claimed to love. In whatever manner we did, but we did. I would like myself to believe that the answer to this question of mine is "yes", but inside I know that its a "probably not" but "possibly yes". And there is a hell of a difference between "probably" & "possibly", all those who have seen pursuit of happyness will know what I mean!!!!!!

Till sometime back, "probably" was my favourite word out of the two, now i like "possibly" more. As I said, times change. So does our liking & so do our prefrences. Even if it doesn't change every other day, but i am glad that it finally does!